• It always makes me smile knowing that somewhere in my subconscience, amidst all the medical knowledge I've gained over the past three years, there still lurks an absolutely categorical knowledge of all 151 original Pokemon. I like to picture it there in my mind, hanging out with Ranson's criteria for acute pancreatitis and the differential diagnosis for bilateral lower extremity swelling, as if to say "Screw you guys, I was here first."


• There are two sources for confidence during morning rounds. One comes from knowing every little detail about your patients' histories, thoroughly understanding the pathogenesis and etiology of their diseases, and having recited the differential and treatment plan over and over in your head in preparation. The other comes from completely giving up in trying to impress the attending, knowing that their evaluation ultimately amounts to only 10% of your final grade. Guess which one I've learned to embrace?


• Oreos dunked in coffee. Try it. Your head will explode.


• I had a fortune cookie today that said "Remember three months from this date. Good things always happen on that day." Today was June 11th...


• I am never able to spell "restraraunt" right on the first try. Restraunt? Restraurant? Restaurant? Restaraunt?


• (Patient with severe hypotension in the ICU) "I don't know why you've got me locked up in this hospital. I'm an herbalist, and I know exactly what I need right now. I need some garlic and some saw palmetto. That stuff you're injecting into me is POISON! The drug companies paid the FDA $50 million so they could pass it through trials. It's all a damn conspiracy! You know why this is happening to me? I know. I know because I'm training to be an astrologer, and I saw it in the stars. I'm going to be a millionaire! I'm not just saying that, you know. I'm training with five other millionaires and they're teaching me how to be a millionaire astrologer. So don't think you can keep me locked in this prison forever."
  
  People have asked me why I want to go into Pathology. I don't think I can make it any clearer than that...
  
  
• There's currently a video poll on Yahoo!: "You decide! Is this goat waving?" I haven't watched the video, but I'm pretty sure this isn't the democracy the founding fathers had in mind.