Math Hotdogs Run

• Dr. P "Brandon, why don't you present your patient quickly, we only have a few minutes left."
  Me "Okay, this patient is a-"
  Dr. P "We'll try not to interrupt you."
  Me "...this patient is a five-year-old male-"
  Dr. P "Unless we have questions."
  Me "...who presented with a three-day history of-"
  Dr. P "Got that? No one interrupt him."
• Drug names that would make good villains in a sci-fi movie: Lopressor, Tordol, Zofran
• I hit my forehead on the open window in our shower hard enough to draw blood, but not hard enough to realize I had drawn blood. I had about a 1-inch gash trickling blood down my forehead without realizing it. The weird thing was, no one told me about it until I was at the mall three hours later. I had even gone to the supermarket to buy a bottle of bourbon for my bar. I had an open wound and dried blood on my forehead, and all I'm buying is a bottle of liquor. No wonder the cashier was avoiding eye contact...
• Nick "How's that coffee cake?"
  Me "Great, it's like a muffin in loaf form."
  Nick "They should call it 'muffinloaf.'"
  Me "...good one."
• I don't think I've ever chosen to "Move Single Card" in FreeCell.
• Line in a medical textbook: "Usually, ependymomas tend to recur in some cases after surgical resection." That sentence has so many modifiers, it has become meaningless.
• Four. Fourteen. One-fourth. Forty. WTF?
• I don't know what species of fish is in a fishstick. Flounder? Goldfish? Seahorse? I hope it's seahorse.
• Today, a cashier told me to "Have a good night" as I was buying lunch at 11:30 am. That's at least five hours before acceptable.
• Snow? Snow? SNOW?! It's April 21st! That's it, Al Gore. Game over. I officially call bullshit.
  

Romeo Alpha November Delta Oscar Mike Tango Hotel Oscar Uniform Golf Hotel Tango Sierra

• It's been a while since I've laughed at Cyanide&Happiness. Disappointing...
• If you heat up something solid, it will melt into a liquid. Ice, glass, metal, plastic, almost everything. Except eggs. Heat up a liquid egg and it becomes solid. I think this is a phenomenon that is largely unrecognized by the world.
• This news story made my day/week/month/year.
• Do midgets have to ride in car seats? Seriously. The American Association of Pediatrics recommends that children should be riding in a car seat until they are 4'9'' tall. No age restrictions. So if someone never reaches that height, shouldn't they have to ride in a car seat?
• Sharon got onto my computer while this post was being edited and tried to insert the phrase "Brandon is a jerk face..." in this spot without me realizing it. Nice try, Sharon.
• Just for that, here's another "Crazy Sharon" moment:
  Sharon "What time do you have to get up?"
  Brandon "Quarter to seven."
  Sharon "Okay, my alarm is set for 6:46."
  Brandon "...why 6:46?"
  Sharon "Because it's a palindrome. What? Stop laughing at me!"
  
• I don't get this commercial. I know they're trying to say "Windows is so easy a three-year-old can use it," but come on... the kid's Asian. She probably wrote the damn computer program.
• I want to meet the advertising executive who first went to Vlassic and said "You know what would really help sell these pickles? A stork who impersonates Groucho Marx."
• Let it be known that I coined the phrase "guano crazy," the censored form of "bat-shit crazy." If you ever hear this, make sure people know I started it.
• If my last name were cooler, I'd totally name my son Remington.
• Poll: Who had the bigger rise and fall?
  "Who Let the Dogs Out" or "The Macarena?"
  Hanson or Smash Mouth?
  Pogs or Magic: The Gathering?