More Random Thoughts...

• I hope that in my medical career I never again hear the words "fungating mass" and "anus" used in the same sentence, especially if that sentence begins with "Brandon, go do a digital rectal exam on..."
• I should use the word "apropos" more.
• Sharon and I were watching a documentary on this woman who was traveling to America for an amputation, and I just KNEW there were several puns waiting to be made, but I was struggling. I started off with "She's got bigger calves than a young Paul Bunyan," but it didn't do it for me. Too obscure. After a while, I found it: "After her amputation, she'll let out two big thighs of relief."
  
• I bought these sunglasses almost a year ago, but it still feels like I just bought them.
• I like to talk to people on elevators, and then say "Well, have a good day" when we get near their floor. I try to do it early enough that there are a few awkward seconds between the end of the conversation and when the doors open. Sometimes they'll take a step toward the doors, but they don't open right away, and I laugh a little inside. Things like this get me through the day.
• Along those same lines, I like to hold doors open for strangers in the hospital, but I do it when they're still pretty far down the hallway. My record for this is about forty feet. I love it when they do a little fake jog to get to the door.
• I have never understood the expression "clean as a whistle." Are whistles known for being clean? Don't they get filled with spit?
  
• During rounds one morning, one of the students drops a JP drain on the floor. The resident asks "Did you just drop that bloody, contaminated drain on the floor?" The student replies "The word 'drop' can mean so many things." I could only think of two.
• I used duct tape to fix a duct today. It was fulfilling.
• Unless you're moving a cart, a stroller, or a wheelchair, I don't think you should be allowed to take an elevator up or down a single floor. In fact, someone should rig the elevator to injure anyone who tries. Not a day goes by I don't see someone who weighs 300 lbs take an elevator from the second floor of the hospital to the cafeteria on the first floor. But I'm sure it's a gland problem.
• I need to write a joke that ends with "I've never seen a beaver dam, but I have seen two squirrels fuck."
• That last joke sounded funny in my head this morning. Now I'm disappointed with it. I apologize.
• Today I was reading about midgut volvulous, a condition where a piece of intestine gets twisted around itself and strangles its own blood supply, causing it to die. The problem was I had misread it as "midget volvulous," so I couldn't stop laughing.
• Boomerangs are highly glorified by cartoons. They don't really work like that.
• Apparently, it's snowing. I should look outside more often.